.png)
Valley of Growth Psychotherapy
1900 City Park Drive, Suite 300, Ottawa, K1J1G7
IFS & Parts Work Therapy in Ottawa and Ontario
Understanding the different parts of you with curiosity and compassion
Have you ever felt like one part of you wants to move forward, while another part is holding you back? Maybe you have an inner critic that is constantly judging you, a part that tries to keep everyone happy, or a part that wants to withdraw when things feel overwhelming.
IFS, or Internal Family Systems, offers a way to understand these different parts of yourself without judging or trying to get rid of them. Instead, we explore what each part is experiencing, what it may be trying to protect you from, and what it needs.
What Is IFS?
You might recognize yourself in...
How We Can Work Together
IFS gives us a different way of looking at your thoughts, feelings, reactions, and patterns.
Together, we may explore:
-
The different parts of you that show up in everyday life
-
What your protective parts are trying to accomplish
-
Where certain patterns or beliefs may come from
-
Conflicts between different parts of yourself
-
The emotions and sensations you experience in your body
-
Parts that carry fear, shame, hurt, or vulnerability
-
How to respond to yourself with more curiosity and compassion
-
How to develop greater self-trust and sense of who you are
The goal isn't to get rid of parts or force yourself to change. Instead, we work toward understanding them and helping them move out of roles that may no longer be serving you.
-
A strong inner critic or feeling that you're never “good enough”
-
People-pleasing, always putting others' needs first of feeling responsible for them
-
Feeling torn between different wants, needs, or emotions
-
Becoming overwhelmed and wanting to shut down or withdraw
-
Avoiding difficult feelings and situations
-
Feeling disconnected from yourself or your emotions
-
Patterns that you understand but struggle to change
-
Feeling like certain reactions are stronger than you would like
-
Carrying shame, fear, or beliefs that are difficult to let go of
-
Feeling stuck between wanting change and wanting to stay safe
You don't need to identify with a specific “type” of part to benefit from this approach. We can start with what you are experiencing right now.
Internal Family Systems (IFS) is a therapeutic approach that views the mind as made up of different parts, each with its own feelings, thoughts, needs, and protective roles. Rather than seeing these parts as problems, IFS approaches them with curiosity and compassion.
At the centre of the IFS model is what is called the Self ; a part of you associated with qualities such as calmness, curiosity, compassion, confidence, clarity, courage, creativity, and connectedness. IFS works toward helping you access these qualities and develop a more understanding relationship with your inner world.
The IFS Process
IFS therapy can look different from person to person. There is no need to force a particular part to speak or uncover everything at once. We follow what feels appropriate and manageable for you.
1. Notice what's happening
2. Get curious about the part
3. Understand what it's trying to do
4. Create some space
5. Listen and build trust
6. Connect with more compassionate Self-energy
7. Explore what needs to change
8. Integrate what you've learned
We start with something you're experiencing ; perhaps a thought, emotion, reaction, relationship pattern, or situation that feels difficult.
Rather than judging the reaction, we slow down and become curious about the part of you that is experiencing it.
We explore what the part may be trying to protect you from or help you manage. Even when a reaction no longer feels helpful in the present, it developed for a reason.
With time, you may begin to notice some space between yourself and that part. Instead of feeling completely overwhelmed by a thought or emotion, you can observe it with more curiosity.
We give the part space to share what it wants you to understand. Protective parts are approached with respect rather than being forced to change or disappear.
As parts feel understood and less threatened, you may have greater access to qualities such as calmness, curiosity, clarity, and compassion.
Together, we can explore whether the part is ready to explore a different role or a different way of responding that feels better aligned with your current context.
Over time, the goal is to develop a more compassionate and balanced relationship with yourself and the different parts of your inner world.
Remember: You don't have to force anything
IFS is not about digging into painful experiences before you're ready. Protective parts are respected throughout the process, and the pace of therapy can be adjusted when something feels too much.
What Does IFS Feel Like?
IFS can be quite different from talk therapy. You may spend time noticing thoughts, emotions, body sensations, images, or inner reactions and becoming curious about where they come from.
You might find yourself thinking, “A part of me feels this way, but another part feels differently.” For some people, this creates a sense of space around emotions that previously felt overwhelming or confusing. You don't need to know how to do IFS before starting. I'll guide you through the process and we can find an approach that feels comfortable for you.
IFS and Trauma
Our experiences can influence the ways different parts of us respond to the world. Some parts may become especially protective after difficult or overwhelming experiences.
IFS can provide a compassionate way to understand these protective patterns rather than seeing them as something wrong with you. This can be particularly meaningful when working with the lasting effects of childhood or sexual trauma.
IFS and EMDR: Two approaches that can work together
I also integrate EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) into my practice.
For some clients, combining EMDR with IFS / parts work can provide space to understand the different parts of yourself that developed in response to difficult experiences, while also processing experiences that may still feel unresolved.
The approaches we use will depend on your needs, goals, and what feels right for you.
IFS Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs)
Do I have to talk about my trauma in detail?
No. You are always in control of what you choose to share. IFS can begin with what you're experiencing in the present, and we can explore deeper experiences only when it feels appropriate and manageable.
Is IFS the same as having multiple personalities?
No. In IFS, “parts” refers to different aspects of our inner experience. Everyone can experience different thoughts, feelings, needs, and reactions, and having different parts is considered a normal aspect of the human mind.
Do I need to be able to visualize my parts?
No. Parts can be experienced in many different ways, including through thoughts, emotions, body sensations, images, or simply a sense that something is happening inside. You don't need to visualize anything for IFS to be helpful.
What if I don't know what my parts are?
That's completely okay. You don't need to arrive knowing anything about your parts. We can start with something you're noticing, a feeling, thought, reaction, or pattern, and explore it together.
Is there a “bad” part of me?
IFS does not view parts as inherently bad. Even parts that create behaviours you don't like are approached with curiosity and respect, with the understanding that they may be trying to protect you in some way.
Is IFS only for people who have experienced trauma?
No. While IFS can be particularly helpful when exploring the effects of trauma, you don't need to have experienced trauma to benefit from parts work. IFS can also be used to explore anxiety, self-criticism, people-pleasing, relationships, boundaries, emotional patterns, and other challenges you may be experiencing.
Can IFS help if I feel disconnected from my emotions?
That's okay. You don't need to have a strong connection to your emotions or know exactly what you're feeling to begin. We can start wherever you are and gently explore what you notice, including thoughts, body sensations, reactions, or even a sense of numbness or disconnection.
Can IFS help if I don't know myself?
Yes. You don't need to have a clear understanding of yourself or your emotions before starting IFS. Therapy can be a space to become more curious about your thoughts, feelings, needs, reactions, and patterns, and gradually develop a stronger sense of self-understanding and self-trust.
Can IFS help with people-pleasing and boundaries?
Yes. IFS can help you explore the parts of you that may feel responsible for keeping others happy, avoiding conflict, or putting your own needs aside. Understanding what these parts are trying to protect can make it easier to recognize your needs and develop healthier boundaries.
A Space to Understand Yourself, Not Judge Yourself
You don't have to fight against the parts of yourself you struggle with.
Therapy can be a space to slow down, understand what's happening beneath your reactions, and develop a more compassionate relationship with yourself.
Ready to explore whether IFS could be a good fit?
I offer a free 20-minute virtual consultation where we can talk about what you're looking for, answer your questions, and see whether working together feels like a good fit.
Available in English and French. In-person in Ottawa and virtually across Ontario.
