When trauma affects your sex life

Trauma doesn't affect everyone in the same way. For some men, it may lead to avoiding sex or feeling disconnected during intimacy. For others, it may show up as frequently seeking sex, sexual attention, pornography, or masturbation as a way to cope, feel connected, or regain a sense of control.

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You may notice:

• Changes in sexual desire or difficulty understanding what you want

• A strong desire for sex that doesn't match your partner's

• Avoiding sex, touch, or intimacy

• Feeling anxious, overwhelmed, numb, or disconnected during sex

• Difficulty feeling safe or present in your body

• Difficulty with arousal or orgasm

• Shame, self-criticism, or anxiety around sex

• Feeling pressure to perform or “get it right”

• Using sex, pornography, or masturbation to cope with difficult emotions

• Difficulty communicating sexual needs, preferences, or boundaries

• Difficulty experiencing emotional closeness during intimacy

• Feeling confused about your sexuality or what feels good and comfortable

• Feeling like your sex life has changed in ways you don't fully understand

You don't need to relate to all of these, and you don't need a diagnosis to seek sex therapy.

What we can explore together

Sex therapy isn't about telling you how your sex life should look. It's a space to understand your experiences and figure out what you want your sexuality and intimate relationships to feel like.

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Depending on your needs, we may explore:

• Sexual desire and changes in libido

• A mismatch in sexual desire with your partner

• Arousal and orgasm

• Sexual confidence and self-esteem

• Shame, anxiety, or fear around sex

• Feeling present and connected during intimacy

• Body image and feeling comfortable in your body

• Understanding your sexual wants, needs, and boundaries

• Communicating about sex with your partner

• Emotional intimacy and connection

• Patterns around seeking or avoiding sex

• The ways trauma may be affecting your sexuality

The goal isn't to make you "normal again". It's to help you develop a relationship with sexuality that feels authentic, comfortable, connected, and aligned with who you are.

What does sex therapy look like?

Sex therapy is primarily talk therapy. Sessions take place in a professional and confidential setting where you can talk openly about sexuality, intimacy, relationships, and your concerns.

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There is no sexual contact, nudity, or sexual activity during therapy. You decide what you're comfortable discussing. We can talk about your thoughts, emotions, experiences, relationships, and patterns around sex, while working together toward the changes you want to make.

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Depending on your goals, therapy may also include exercises or reflections to practice privately between sessions.

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A trauma-informed approach

When trauma is connected to your sexual concerns, we can explore that connection without making your entire therapy about what happened.

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You don't have to retell your trauma in detail to work on your sexuality today. We can focus on what you're experiencing now and, when appropriate, explore the experiences or protective patterns that may be contributing to it.

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My approach integrates EMDR and IFS/parts work when appropriate, alongside sex therapy, based on your needs, goals, and comfort level.